Top Five Things I Don't Miss About My Old Corporate Job

As my husband and I were driving home the other day, we were talking about my crazy days at my old job. He said you should probably blog about some of the things you don't miss about working there...I thought what a great idea! I could probably do a monthly installment of these items, but for now I will just start with five!

1. My Guido, metrosexual, PRADA glittered-shirt wearing, boss. This guy was a piece of work and unfortunately I had to work for him for 4 years. He was a combination of psychotic and obsessive compulsive. He actually owned his very own tanning bed! He was a male chauvinist to the max. Cross that with his insecurity and paranoia and you have a dangerous combination. He would always ask your opinion, but he never really wanted it. He just wanted you to agree with every idea he had like it was handed to him from God Himself. He would accuse you of not being committed to your job if you for instance didn't agree with him that working until 7pm every night or on every Saturday wasn't such a good idea and probably not a good way of boosting morale for the employees in your office. He also was on a "diet" and would talk about his weight NON-STOP and how he doesn't eat anything and binge eats at night. What kind of man does that? I for one do not want to hear a man talk about his pant size or how he only orders soup at lunch. MAN UP and be a real man! Oh let's not forget the fact that he told one of his female employees that he was good in bed when he was out on the town and had too much to drink (also the more he drank the more his shirt came unbuttoned...YUCK!) She had only been on the job for a week! Ok I better stop there or I'll never get to #2.

2. My boss's boss. This guy thought he didn't look like he was approaching 40, NEWSFLASH we all thought you looked like you were 50 something. He was the most arrogant and egotistical man who thought he was actually attractive to the opposite sex. I hate to break it to you but you reminded me of some kind of bird! And you are not cool if you have music ringtones such as "Ridin' Dirty" or any other type of mainstream music. He also had some kind of weird twitch where he would always be clearing his throat and kind of humming...like that Muppet that said this, "Uhh huh...uummm....yep yep yep." He was extremely rude in meetings and would not be paying attention and just playing on his Blackberry. If he was paying attention then he would ask a question, someone would answer, and he would tell them how stupid they were.

3. Burst Times! Ok you are probably wondering what this is...well it is a specific time that we would call our customers to sell them our financial products. It was also the time that Big Brother watched you to make sure you made enough Attempts, Contacts, and Applications. Because see in their eyes, it was a science you know call 20 people, contact 5, get 2 applications so then you meet with so many people and get so many mortgages/loans. Then they would start doing more math to say well if you spend this many hours on the phones then you should have this much in results and yada, yada. Well of course they forget the most important part that we can't control...PEOPLE! Yes they can still decide to not answer the phones or the fact that they don't need our help right now. Yeah my bosses didn't get it...they just thought everyone fit into their perfect formula.

4. Daily conference calls with my boss! Oh, how I used to loathe these. First, my boss would hold one for us managers. We would talk about the same crap day after day. It reminded me of the Albert Einstein quote, "Insanity-doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Let's not forget the fact for most of the time he was my boss I was usually the only female manager so that made it even more miserable since these guys all just fed each other's ego. Not only would I have that call, I would also have to have my individual call with my boss later that afternoon. Shoot me in the face! I would try to be meeting with a customer or out to lunch...anything to avoid these calls. "Hey Natalie, how's it going?" I'm like the same way it was going yesterday and the day before that...you dummy. Of course in my head, I was probably using another choice of words.

5. Customers who thought they were better than me even though they were swimming in $100k of credit card debt. I have never talked to more rude people in my life! Obviously, they were in denial about their current financial situation, so they didn't want to be reminded about those little itty bitty bills that added up to so much debt. Or how about meeting with a couple, when one of the spouses do not know about the credit card debt. Watch out...you might get hit by a flying object or find yourself in the middle of a divorce discussion!

So anytime my little biscuit is having a bad day and driving me crazy, I can just refer back to this list and realize that it could be worse, much WORSE! :)