It's been a few instances where people in different aspects in my life have implied or made certain comments about it. Some have children and some don't.
Now let's get this straight. I don't judge anyone whether they are a SAHM, a working mom, or a work from home mom. What matters most is that the child is loved and taken care of, and everyone knows that being a mom is the hardest job.
However, just because I'm not in the official work force doesn't mean I don't have aspirations or ambitions. Some people seem to think just because you're not chasing a "higher career" that means you just are someone that is a knot on a log.
Well this is simply not true. Yes being a SAHM means that I sacrificed a professional career. Could I have kept moving up the ladder? Yes! Would it had been worth it? I can confidently say no it wouldn't have been. In my particular field, there was no way I could have kept up a healthy balance of the two...something would have to give.
Before I had children, I was all about my career. But guess what after having children my perspective changed. I realized where I wanted to spend my time and effort. It doesn't mean that's the same choice for everyone...because many others are able to make it work. In my case and career it just wouldn't have worked.
But does that make me less of a person? Does it make me less smart? Does it mean I don't have goals or dreams?
I feel like society paints a picture of females that make the choice to be a SAHM that they just "didn't have what it takes" to make it in the workforce.
I shouldn't feel like I have to justify my choice by saying, "Oh yeah I graduated college with honors or that I was really successful in my professional career." But I do feel like I need to.
But instead this is what I should say:
I'm a great mom to two wonderful boys.
I'm a great wife to my husband.
I'm a loyal friend.
And this is what really matters, not a grade on a paper or a promotion from a job.
Life is what you make it, so don't leave any regrets on the table. And I can happily say, I don't regret a thing.
Natalie
The best testament to your success? Your healthy, happy children, and a wonderful home life. And that YOU are happy.
ReplyDeleteStaying home with the children is a privilege, not a sacrifice.That's what I tell anyone who say the kind of stuff you've experienced (and I've definitely experienced it, from my old family).
Don't even worry about it! People are just so opinionated sometimes and need to check themselves. Personally, I work from home and Drew goes to daycare (out of the house) and I admire my SAHM mom friends. I don't have the personality to do that and it takes a wonderful mother to make that choice!
ReplyDeleteIt is a personal decision.
ReplyDeleteI remember my stepmom telling me that I was wasting my degree by being a sahm. Of course, that was coming from a woman who never had kids of her own(and only married my dad once all of us kids were grown).
But it never felt that way to me- I was doing what I wanted to be doing.
You've made the right choice for you. xo
This is beautifully written. Though I currently work from home, I've been at home with my kids since I had my son over seven years ago. Several of those years did NOT involve working and I know exactly the comments you mean. Of course, then working moms get the comments from those that stay at home, and then those of us who work at home don't have "real" jobs...
ReplyDeleteIt's all a little crazy isn't it?? Sigh.
Of course, our time with our children is so brief in the scheme of things. So you? Are prioritizing exactly right. xo
People have something to say about every decision, it seems! I confess to being guilty of it. My little sister doesn't have kids but her dream is to have her mother-in-law raise her future kids while she works at her NYC job - 50-60 hours a week. I haven't said it to her but I've thought how miserable that sounds, missing your child's life. However she might love it. She might need it. It's her family and it might work out wonderfully.
ReplyDeleteI'm a SAHM or maybe partly because I do work a lot on weekends. It's not a perfect balance but I'm happy to be here. And lucky. And it's HARD. Much harder than my old corporate job.
Such a wonderful post Natalie. As a working mom you know I've had my days where I've wished I could stay home. I've also had days where I know there's no way in the world I have the patience to stay home with Jackson. It's funny how having children shifts life's perspectives. Prior to having Jackson my biggest goal in life was getting into law school. And now? I know it'll be there. But these fleeting years watching my child grow as I'm able to work a flexible schedule as the paralegal? Well I wouldn't trade it for the world. We all make our choices. And I'd say you're excelling in the choices you've made, friend!
ReplyDeleteLove this post- I will soon be joining you in the SAHM field, and I worry that I will somehow lose my identity because I won't have a "job" in the traditional sense. But I know this choice is right for me, and being home with kids is MUCH harder than working- for me. I don't want to miss a second though, time is fleeting, and they will not be this age forever. I can always go back to work, I can't always go back to their childhood.
ReplyDeleteStephanie
howsweetthisis.blogspot.com
Amen, amen, amen! I hate the snide remarks I get. What's even worse is when people make me feel guilty about doing it because they can't--I hate that! Being a mom is HARD, working full time or staying home...and I've done it both ways!
ReplyDeleteI can totally feel you. often time I'm on that the same situation and question myself if I did the right thing, quitting my job and be a stay at home mom and every time I look at my child, kisses and hug all day long I know I did the right thing. Best decision. And as I often told to people who asked about me quitting my job I will tell them because my child will not be forever a child and sooner or a job is just there if one day I want to go back, I know I can. Now, my priority is my child and I will never trade if for anything else.
ReplyDeleteGood luck, girl and SAHM rocks, right? :D
I agree so much with this! I'm a CPA and I keep up with my license, so at least I have that to keep the opinions quiet, usually.
ReplyDeleteI get snide comments from one working-mom friend about "adult interaction". Like all I do is play with babies all day.
I've also gotten strange looks when I say my daughter is in preschool twice a week. As if staying home means I can't be away from her.
I do have to say that I judge a bit when people say they want to stay home and make a big deal of it BUT they keep buying and doing when they could actually stay home if they made a few sacrifices.
www.hautemommyblog.com
Wonderful post! I feel this way often as a stay at home mother. I struggle with how to handle the criticism and comments that come with it. I definitely can relate!
ReplyDelete-Shannon
Good for you girl! I think everyone should do what is best for their family! I don't think the grass is greener on either side, just different! You're a great mom and don't let anyone get you down!
ReplyDeleteThe decision to stay home is a personal one and sometimes a difficult choice. I know people feel like it's a "waste" to stay home when you have a degree, but to them I say that I'm raising a human being. How on earth could that time spent be a waste?? I had kids so I could raise them the way I want to.
ReplyDeleteNatalie, I envy that you get to stay home with your boys. People are so judgey. Everyone just needs to back off.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you aren't letting them bother you. :)
Great post and so very true! I will have a tougher time with this when I come home full time.. I have done the well I still work for X thing and I don't need to do that. Because what I do is enough! Mothering is enough!
ReplyDeleteWe were just having this conversation today actually. This is an excellent post. It is a choice, just like all the other choices, and it is sad that women can't just simply support other women.-The Dose Girls
ReplyDeleteYES! Made me want to shout on the roof tops ;)
ReplyDeleteoh girl. don't even worry about what other people say or think. (easier said than done). being a SAHM is such a wonderful privilege. if i had a choice, i would take the opportunity if God calls me to it. i personally function better working (but am lucky to have family nearby to watch aiden, not daycare) but again ppl judge me for working. i'm sure ppl would judge me too if i put him in daycare. people will judge. no matter what. thank the good Lord for the opportunity you have to be exactly.where.you are.today. with your littles!
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with u. As long as u r happy with where u r in ir life, that's all that matters.
ReplyDeleteI've worked since I turned 16. I managed 3 companies at one time before I was laid off. We didn't think I could get pregnant and it was a surprise when we found out. After discussing it with my husband, we agreed I would be a SAHM until August of next year. I feel like I'm in limbo. Family and Friends know that it's a limited SAHM position and they keep telling me about job positions that are open. And pray tell, who is going to raise my son? I have this one slim chance to raise him and people are giving me hassles about it. Even my husband reminds me that this is only temporary. The good thing about though is I'm appreciating all the moments even more, because I know it will come to an end...
ReplyDeleteI have been on both sides of that fence - a working mom and a stay at home mom. And there is always someone who will judge. The only thing that matters is that you don't have any regrets!
ReplyDeleteI can relate - I remember those days although it helped that most of my mom's group also were SAHMs during that time so they all got it. I became one by accident. I had intended to return to work after 8 weeks, but due to the economy, my job disappeared. It was a little scary having not prepared for an open ended maternity leave, but I wouldn't change it for anything. Those were the best 3.5 years! I feel so blessed to have had that time home with our son. I'm still adjusting to working fulltime again as I just started doing so in March. It's definitely a juggle. But my son is at a great age for "school" (ie, daycare) and is loving his new friends & teachers. It's all worked out. So, enjoy and be proud!! :)
ReplyDeleteboy do I hear you - preaching to the choir sister.
ReplyDeleteI'd like to know how my Honours Degreee and the 12 years I did devote to a professional career simply gets erased/over-looked because I am now a SAHM. I did have other accomplishments before becoming a mother: and they still stand.
And I didn't give up my goals or dreams: the dream simply changed. for now. And maybe I will go back to those original ones, or maybe I will find yet another one once the children have grown. But I assure you; they are not dead.
I am a whole person. not just a mom. not just a wife. not just a friend. And I reject the notion that I have to twist myself into knots trying to be all and do all just to prove my worth to someone.
I know my worth.
and if they still can't get it after that, I have to get Irish:
and then this here conversation has been brought to you by the letters "f" and "u".
Now, mind your own plate.
Beautifully said!! I have a vision of a day when all women's choices will be equally respected and admired. Seriously -
ReplyDeleteYou inspire me once again with your wise words. Your family is so blessed to have you in their lives!
Your post is another reason #sitssharefest rocks!
girl......I have a post sitting in my drafts about this EXACT issue! Ugh! I graduated with honors from undergrad & grad school, & I was a surgical PA-C for 5 years at MD Anderson Cancer Center before deciding to become a SAHM. I CHOSE to do this! It's the hardest, yet most rewarding, thing I've ever done! My bro-in-law made a comment about me being a SAHM recently {in regards to having a "job"} & I got upset. However, I realize I can't change the opinion of everyone on this issue.
ReplyDeleteI haven't given up "me" to be at home with my boys! This IS "me"...BOYmom extraordinaire ;)
Well said!! Took the words right out of my mouth!!
Yes!! Very well said! I think that no matter what people choose, working, staying home, working part time-- as long as they are happy and working hard then that is the best thing they can and should be doing.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you shared this Natalie! I would love to be a SAHM one day, but I have thought some of the same things before.. that people just make little comments here and there like you're less of a person because you didn't stick it out at work or something. I think you're awesome for giving up your career to be at home with your boys! And you are just the best momma so you made the best choice!!
ReplyDelete