I've always been a Jimmy Fallon fan from way back, but I rarely
see his shows due to the coming on so late. However, since he's taken over The
Tonight Show I have seen clips of his guests circling around so I've caught a
few highlights.
The first comedian he had on was the legendary Jerry Seinfeld. I
mean I am pretty sure everyone has seen at least one Seinfeld episode in your
lifetime.
He was talking to Jimmy about being a parent (since Jimmy is a
new father), and how he (Jerry) wasn't a fan of our generation of parenting (see around 4
minutes into the video).
He says we as parents are "too into it." He starts
describing his bedtime routine for his kids, and I can't help but nod my head
and laugh as a he labeled it as a jubilee celebration. And how true is this? We
have this song and dance to just get the kids in bed. The books, the songs, the
stuff animal "semi-circle" as Jerry refers to it. He then describes
his bedtime routine as a kid...DARKNESS. And he's right. I don't remember
songs, books, or anything like that.
I think back to my grandparents and my great-grandparents and
think...hmmm how did they have so many children in one room sleeping? What
about meals...were they scheduled...nap time etc? Obviously this is from a
different era and the needs were different for that generation. Some were just
probably trying to survive.
I think our generation has been swallowed by the "mommy
guilt." Are we teaching, crafting, playing, and doing all things for our
children at all times? If you're not doing a craft you're a bad mom. If you're
not entertaining your kids all day you're a bad mom. If you're a working mom
you don't love your kids enough. If you're a stay at home mom, you have no
aspirations. When will it end? Why are we so hard on ourselves?
Maybe it's the technology, the internet, the social media. We
see these perfect lives or ideas of what we should be doing.
But I'm hear to say, trust your instincts. Do what works for
your family. Don't compare yourself to other moms. You are a great mom, and
your children love you for just being their mom.
If you love crafting, then do it and don't feel guilty about it.
If you hate crafts, don't do them and don't feel guilty about it. Cut yourself
some slack, you are AMAZING because you are a mother.
So this Mother's Day, take that time off to soak in the day and
let it be about you. It's ok to take a break, and I promise your child will
survive!
Natalie
I'm all for leaving children to entertain themselves, to be honest. I'm not a crafter or a DIY-er, so I refuse to feel guilty for not doing allthethings. I'm in total agreement with you here, Natalie!
ReplyDeleteI'm in total agreement with you too, Natalie. A few weeks ago, I read this article called Why I'm Done Making My Kid's Live Magical, (You can Google it), and it explains exactly what you're saying here. It seems like we go over the top to provide the best birthday parties, to do the most intricate crafts, and to make every part of our children's childhood fun, exciting, and happy. The problem with doing this is that they grow up thinking everything needs to be spectacular and that happiness can only come from thrilling moments and not the quiet moments out in the yard (listening to the birds, for instance). I know this is easier said than done, but I'm trying to rid myself of the mommy guilt too so that I can truly enjoy being a mother instead of comparing myself to the supermom on the next blog. You're right. Our children will love us--craft or no craft, vacation or no vacation. Life and raising children doesn't have to be as complex as we make it.
ReplyDeleteBy t he third, I became pretty chill about schedules and bed time routines and even nutrition. I think most moms have something to gain by letting go a little and by most definitely taking them time for themselves. Love your message, Natalie!
ReplyDeleteDes has no bedtime routine at all! He likes going to bed! I'll take it for as long as it lasts. It cracks me up when people ask me how to put him to bed. I say, "Turn off the light. Make sure he has his Lambie. Put him down. Boom."
ReplyDeleteNow Scarlet requires a little together time but my husband does it because he misses her all day!
Amen Sister!! We all do this.. and we should be free to do what we love and leave the rest behind!
ReplyDeleteI SO love this my friend! I think there are many out there who can benefit from hearing this, and NEED to hear this. It's what I keep finding myself bucking against: Make Every Moment Matter!
ReplyDeleteIt's great in theory, but no one can do that. I found out for myself what comes from trying to entertain your kids all the time: they don't learn how to entertain themselves! Which means forget about being able to actually visit if you go to a friends' house. Your kids will require your attention and guidance constantly - and think nothing of interrupting your adult time. I nipped that in the bud after baby #2.
But I do love a nice bedtime routine. My mom always at least said prayers with me, and sometimes a story. I like that idea of reconnecting at the end of the day with my kids --- especially if we have had a hard day. But it's not a song and dance and "just one more mommy please" routine: you get your 1 song and your prayer and then as Jerry says "darkness."
Well said my friend!!
ReplyDeleteI get caught up in the whole needing to do everything for my kids and wanting every day to be "just right." And really I know it's silly b/c I had a fun childhood and I didn't have nearly half the things my kids do! We are too hard on ourselves and you're right--it's just too easy to see what everyone else is doing.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully said! It is easy to get caught up in the guilt or not doing enough, but that doesn't do anyone any good. I don't remember my mom tucking me in either.. I am sure she did when I was really little but at school age I remember just going to bed and turing my light off.
ReplyDeleteYou know, maybe that's one good thing about having Lexie so young - I didn't have any other moms to compare myself to AND pinterest hadn't been invented yet. Those were simpler times. :)
ReplyDeleteEven still, I do often wonder if I'm spending enough time with her - trying to find that balance of "just right" mommy-daughter time is difficult for me. At this age, too much and she feels suffocated - too little and she feels ignored. Argh!
This is really good! I also think social media plays a big part in the mommy guilt. And I don't necessarily think others do it intentionally but I know there are so many mornings that I wish I could stay home and there are just as many that I know we are ALL ready to go to work and school. :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Mother's Day my friend!
Ha! I love that he says his bedtime was darkness, that's hilarious. And so true! This relates to something that has been swirling around in my head too, about how I think we are a little TOO overprotective of our children these days. We need to let go a little more, I think, so they can learn their own lessons. I know it's hard sometimes though...
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