When we're young, we have our friends that we grow up with and attend high school together.
Then we transition to college and make friends during the "growing up" phase.
After college, we head out to the workplace and find co-workers that become friends because you can talk about all things work-related and empathize with how much you dislike your boss or overtime.
I used to be the friend that always reached out to those that I knew at every point in my life.
I thought because I grew up with my high school friends that I needed to continue the friendship forever.
I thought since my college friends were supposed to be the "friends you keep for life" that I needed to continue to reach out.
After I left my work to be a SAHM, I thought it was important to continue the work friendships with those I had worked with for 4-6 years because we spent so much time together.
But in reality, sometimes friendships expire. And it's ok to be sad. It's ok to miss those friendships and to look fondly back at the memories that you created together.
I learned that just because you went to high school with someone doesn't mean you actually have anything in common.
The college friends that were supposed to be for life were only for those years of growth to adulthood.
The co-workers, were just that. Once you leave that work you find you don't have that much to talk about.
I do have strong friendships and best friends from each of these periods of my life. I have a few that I can talk about the good ole days when we were teenagers, college friends that I can talk about the crazy times and our sorority days, and even a few of my co-workers became some of my closest friends.
But I don't beat myself about those that are lost. I don't reach out anymore. I have made my peace with it, and I cherish the times we had. I don't discount the friendship, but I understand it is one that can't move forward.
And if a few of them call me every now and then, I talk to them. I don't hold grudges that we don't talk everyday.
People come into our lives for different reasons, and so I accept it for what it is.
How do you look back on friendships of the past?
Natalie
It's a little sad to know that all friendships don't last, but it's so true. Some are just for a season of our lives.
ReplyDeleteThere are definitely some friendships that are just there for a season - they come at the right time, and they fade once that time ends.
ReplyDeleteA few of them, I miss greatly. Not everyday, but when I sit and think about them. But most of them I am at peace about.
There are definitely friendships that were meant to be only for a certain period of time, and some that are for life. People come and go, that is the sea of life. I've made my peace with that too.
ReplyDeletegood saying,
DeleteSuch a good post. This has been a hard realization for me over the last few years. As life gets busier with kids, your husband, etc your time becomes more precious and I feel like I see those friends closest with me. I would love to keep in touch with everyone but its just not possible. It makes your close friends that much more special!
ReplyDeleteThis was something I learned and accepted last year. It was hard for me to let go, but it was much harder to put so much time and effort into a friendship that needed to remain in the past. There are still times when I get nostalgic and wish things were different, but such is life!
ReplyDeleteYes! It does change and it is okay. We all change and grow and so some friendships just do seem to phase and grow out of our lives and there is nothing wrong with that.'
ReplyDeleteIf it wasn't for FB I wouldn't be in touch with anyone I went to high school with and it wasn't because i hated high school or anything it was just we all went our separate ways with different lives
Sometimes friends are just there for a reason or a season. It's hard to let go sometimes but its what is meant to be. True friends stick around through thick and thin, even when the going gets tough. You can't be all things to all people so its best to concentrate on the ones who are there for you!
ReplyDeleteI agree! I have friends from all these parts of my life as well and thankfully am able to at least keep in touch with some through FB, etc. And like you said, just because you are no longer close does not mean you cannot still appreciate the friendship that was there when you obviously needed it most. :)
ReplyDeleteI think of my past friendships with fond memories. I don't expect everyone to stay in my life forever and that's a good thing since it allows room for new people to enter my life. But it's hard when someone leaves your life abruptly instead of the usual drifting apart.
ReplyDeleteI have two friends that I've known since the 5th grade and 7th grade. One has 2 children in high school, the other has no children. So, I'm an in-between friend with a baby of 6 months old. It's.... an adjustment... for both friends. The one with 2 in high school loves on my baby, because she misses those years, whereas before the baby, we were distant.... and the friend who has no children and used to be very closed to me, doesn't know what to do with a baby and she has become distant. Still love my friends dearly, but my baby is my priority... so yes, I miss and respect both friendships in different ways, as they are meant for. Sometimes we think those college and co-workers are close, but in reality,... no. I'm also fortunate to have a cousin, though miles apart, that we keep in touch with and I consider her a good friend, not just a "relative."
ReplyDeleteI really don't have any friends left from those points in my life. I'm happy with my family. And certainly if someone calls or reaches out I'm right there and I'm happy to reminisce. But I really focus on friends who we can help each other look forward instead if back.
ReplyDeleteJe suis d'accord sur ce point, je n'ai pas beaucoup d'amis , mais je suis contente j'ai ma famille (mes enfants et mon mari qui me supporte à 100% ) je demande rien d'autre. Je suis la plus heureuse, j'en ai perdu des amis comme le petit mots le dit, les amis s'en va , d,autre peuvent venir. Bref, ce qu'on peut retenir de tous ça " les amis partent mais les souvenirs reste, c'est normal de s'ennuyer des beaux moments. :) Je voulais te remercier pour ce beau poème, c'est une vérités de la vie. Merci encore, ( je suis désolée, j'ai pas pu écrire en anglais, je me trouve moche :( Bonne soirée.
ReplyDeleteI believe that there is a season for everything - even friendship. I do have some friends who are always there - but other friends come and go. That's not to say that they won't come around again. I don't beat myself up about it though!
ReplyDeleteMy family is the closest people in my life, so my friendships have always been often formed in times of transition. For some friends, months can by without talking, but when we do: it's like no time has passed at all. Others I have completely let go of. Most, I had to when I moved to my hubby's city after marriage. The new friendships I then formed were largely based on the fact that we were moms with young kids. but not I find those are demonstrating that we really didn't have anything greater in common.
ReplyDeleteI have my family, and a few that have always been there along the way.....and I completely content with that. And of course - fellow bloggers - who in a strange way I feel "get me" like no one else.
For the most part I've kept all my friends throughout the different stages in my life. There are only 3 very good friends that are no longer in my life and those are very complicated lengthy reasons involved.
ReplyDeleteI have friends from all stages in life, but so many have faded away. I admit it used to make me more sad but sometimes the energy just was too much for me.
ReplyDeleteI know exactly how this goes! And then I always feel a little awkward when I run into the ones that I don't keep in touch with at all, because we have nothing to talk about because we can't talk about the office!
ReplyDeleteGlad I stopped by tonight! The blog looks GREAT!!!
PS This is Kate from Mommy Monologues :)
ReplyDeleteThere are a few of my old friendships that I do look back on with sadness that they are gone. I wish I had remained closer to my best friend from residency. We got each other through a lot. We kept in touch for a long time, but then it just petered out. I have a similar friendship from college like that, too. I know the season passed, but I do miss them. --Lisa
ReplyDeleteI have been blessed with incredible friendships. I am also the kind of person that wants to keep all of my friends for life - it's part of the way I love people. But like you, I've found that this is not always necessary or healthy for that matter - and sometimes, relationships have to evolve, even if that means they have to end. This is a lovely post and I"m glad you've made your peace with these friendships.
ReplyDeleteI have one friend from high school that I know I will be friends with for life. Several from my early adulthood that are my prayers warriors. Many of my friends now are moms just like me.
ReplyDeleteI have several friendships that have lasted for years - sometimes we'll go months without talking. But when we do reconnect, it is as if no time has passed. And others have slipped quietly away. And while I would be happy to see them again, the closeness we once felt isn't the same.
ReplyDeleteHow very very true! I love this:)
ReplyDeleteThis is absolutely true! I also believe that some friendships expire and you know when it is time to move on. It doesn't mean that the times shared together didn't account for anything, they do but maybe there just cannot be any more times like it because people change as they grow up. I am positive you have some beautiful friendships that you cherish and friends who cherish you!!
ReplyDeleteOh Natalie, this struck a chord with me and I know you are right. I have such a hard time ever letting go. I want to keep everyone close to me forever. But sometimes, it's impossible, my life is so full that sometimes I don't have the room anymore. And sometimes we hit a point where our paths are too far apart. And sometimes we still love each other, just from a distance, even though we don't have time to talk as often. Great post, Natalie, so well said.
ReplyDeleteSo true! There are definitely seasonal friends and lifelong friends. And same for me, I found there are communities where I'm only a seasonal friend but others I fit in perfectly for a lifelong fellowship. People change; seasons change too.
ReplyDelete